You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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