I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
