His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Another day, another engagement, another cat
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
