we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
