It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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