I skipped work to stalk him.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
