I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
