she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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