You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
