dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
