My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
