I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
