Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
