Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
