Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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