I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
