One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
