what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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