A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
