i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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