hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
worst night to have a conscience
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
