is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
