The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
