somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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