a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I have demons in me.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Farmville is her only friend.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
