Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
