k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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