He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
