theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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