I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
