I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
