Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
