Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
