thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
