Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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