i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
