fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
