forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
