I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
