SEEEEXXX PLEASE
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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