loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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