if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
