would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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