Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
