Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
