wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
