We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
