It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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