Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
two words...techno handjob
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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