Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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