Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
