youre lurking in front of me
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
